Be calm, be still for… I can’t
by ViaRProxy
Summary: The scenes that where never shown, but still mattered
1. Chapter 1

Title: Be calm, be still for… I can't

Fandom: Wicked

Pairing: Elphaba/G(a)linda Femslash

Rating: M

Summary: The scenes that where never shown, but still mattered

Disclaimer: Not mine. I simply weaved my magic at words.

Author: via_proxy

**Be calm, be still for… I can't**

**14-01-2009**

**Chapter 1: Good news…**

Cold

She felt cold as she stood on the balcony. Holding very tightly on the railing, peering down to the floor of the ground she stood on, she tried to breathe. Minutes, no hours ago she had plotted out of her bubble and literally maneuver around an ever adoring, annoying crowd. She simply wanted to scream at them to get out of her way. She wanted them to shut up, to stop being so happy. She wanted to shout at them to stop asking stupid questions, so that she could leave, be alone, but she could not. No she had to be Glinda the Good, and not a person.

When she entered the emerald doors, she dismissed the servants to go enjoy the party. She didn't even hear the entire "Thank you, thank you… your Goodness! You are so…" for she had already turned and exited deeper into the foyer. She could not hold her emotions in anymore, thus she ran up the stairs of the wizard's, no…_ her_ castle, to where she stood now.

Since then she was frozen in this spot.

Closing her eyes she did not have to look at herself to know what she would find. Her dress was immaculate, her hair done very precisely like for a pidgin and her iconic smile was there. But the crease of her lips was forced; created by a habit though the past years. It was to make her seem, no _be_ perfect, for OZ, to look happy to them and… sometimes herself. She even remembered practicing in front of the mirror every time she could, plastering each sickly grin onto the next. They where flawless, even naturally there now and yet her body posture and eyes could not lie. They had a type of haziness about them and her usual upright and yet femininely strong back, was hunched.

She was broken, shattered.

She blinked from the floor and looked up and out as the sun started to bleed into the clouds on the horizon. If she didn't feel like Ozhit, she would have seen it as pretty. In the distance little fires could be seen flickering in celebration. Yes, the whole of Oz was in a drunken stupor, celebrating the…death of…

She closed her eyes and turned her face away from the cold fires, disgusted. She could not bare it, could not think that _she_ was actually…her eyes slowly opened and she suddenly leaned forward ever so slightly to pear down the crumbling pale stones. It was very dark but she could still see the true size of the matter; she was very high up.

She swallowed.

It would be oh so easy to climb onto the smooth surface of the railing, take a step, only one step and all the pain would stop…wouldn't it?

Nausea flooded her.

Even if she had the nerve to do such a vile act, she wouldn't. No, her life was no longer hers. It belonged to Oz, to the safety of the Grimmerie, to Elp---…

"Elphie, oh Elphie…" she found herself whisper as she felt a tear streak down her face. In the iced night air it felt like it ripped through her, but she did not care. She let another one fall and another, all equally searing her skin, for the pain was more enduring than her loss of her love.

It was the first time she spoke her name, since the …

A knock at the door told her they where ready for her to appear once more to Oz.

She wiped her eyes with her dress, breathed and turned with her old smile back on...

_In any case, nothing was wrong, right_? She said to herself

_She was Glinda the Good after all, no sorrow ever plagued her and no pain ever inflicted her._

"I'm coming, fellow Ozians…"she spoke bubbly

She turned her head back once last time and then left the night behind. To anyone she would look her old self, confident and happy but in fact…she was not…

"I'm coming…" she whispered to herself uncaring

…She felt sick.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Be calm, be still for… I can't

Fandom: Wicked

Pairing: Elphaba/G(a)linda Femslash

Rating: M

Summary: The scenes that where never shown, but still mattered

Disclaimer: Not mine. I simply weaved my magic at words.

Author: via_proxy

**Be calm, be still for… I can't**

Chapter 2: I had to go

_A few hours before _

"Hide yourself… Hide!" where the words that shocked Glinda into a little corner.

She had never heard Elphaba speak in such a tone…and never to her. She stood there, behind the curtain, desperately trying to block the terrible sounds escaping from behind the bleak cloth, but alas she could not. She could not help but see the vivid out line of Elphie as she swayed about to try and get away from the mob, the way she shouted at the child so…wickedly and then…

Glinda gasped and literally bit onto her hand and mouth to muffle her own scream as she heard the sickly screech of Elphaba, as she started to melt into nothingness.

Glinda mealy sat there staring into the distance, trying not to except the fact that she had just witnessed the death of the Wicked Witch of the West. The death of her friend. The death of her..lo-v-e. It was the sudden silence that shook her from her own and then it hit her. She got up from the heap she did not realize she had sunken into.

_Elphie,_ she tried to say but only white breath came out.

She took a step forward and then heard a sound from behind the curtain.

"Elphie?" she said hope flickering in her voice.

_Was it All a stunt, was Elphaba actually now pulling the curtains back to reveal that…_

"Elphie? "

But _no, it was ____Chistery__ who pulled back the curtain. It was Chistery who lead her to the pointed hat. _

The hat which Elphaba always whore, the one that was suppose to have been a prank, the one which started there friendship. She picked it up and held it tight and for a moment she imagined Elphaba there, holding her back just like a few minutes ago.

_She starts to weep and streams of tears fell onto the hat and trickles onto the trap door_

"_oh elphie why…"_

"Miss…Miss Glinda."

Through her burning eyes she sees Chistery _handing her a green Bottle; the one that was under the hat…the same as the wiz-…_

She blinked and nodded to Chistery.

Now was not the time to greave, she had to eliminate this tyranny once and for all. She started to walk but then stopped to turn her head a little. She took one look at the place which she would hate for the rest of her life, the place where her life ended.

With that she left with a confident stride but it still hurt inside as she tried to keep her back strait.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Be calm, be still for… I can't

Fandom: Wicked

Pairing: Elphaba/G(a)linda Femslash

Rating: M

Summary: The scenes that where never shown, but still mattered

Disclaimer: Not mine. I simply weaved my magic at words.

Author: via_proxy

**Be calm, be still for… I can't**

Chapter 3: Hold out my sweet…

In the damp seller, Elphaba shivered. She was very cold for some reason. After the _child _had gushed her with water, she had drowned herself in towels the minute she hit the mattress in the seller. She had made sure there would be dry cloths, and a warmth spell down here which she had charmed before hand. Standing in the towels to get the water of her skin, she was dry and yet she was still cold. Coldness had never been problem, even back in Munchkinland or the Qudling country. She would work in the fields to the late of night, in the bitter cold times, and not feel the icy pain of it. Yet she felt now cold, but deep inside she knew it was because of what she would hear after a few moments. The guards and child with her mascots would have left by now. No, the pain or coldness would be there, because her own self-control would have to kick in when…

"Elphie?"

Elphaba hit the wall behind her, afraid she would call out to her like she always did.

..and again..

"Elphie?"

She covered her mouth and stood very still as she heard Glinda approach the trap door.

She heard her lean to the ground. Then and there Elphaba thought Glinda had found out her plan and would lift the…but no.

The hat was picked up and for a second Elphaba wished Glinda had opened the door, had chosen for her, for she could not. Elphaba closed her eyes and simply approached the trapdoor and stood there, knowing that that would be the closest she would be to Glinda for the last time.

Then she felt something wet fall on her. Elphaba's eyes shot open, but before she could wipe the searing drops away she realized what they where, for the sound gave it away. They where Glinda's tears.

As if frozen in time, Elphaba let the tears fall on her, and let them seethe her dry cheekbones, for she could not cry. She had never in all her days since she had Defied Gravity cried. And before that, the tears where simply wiped away before any traces of there existence was made clear. It felt real to her though, the tears, like they where her own. It was like her and Glinda's pain was not separate but the same, like they where one and yet…

"_oh elphie why…"_

Elphaba felt her bottom lip quiver, but still she was silent. She felt disgusted.

_Elphaba, no… the plan!… keep to the plan, keep to the plan Elphaba!…keep …to …the_

…_No_

She should stop this silliness; she should let her presence be known. They could leave Oz together; build a life together…she only needs to speak up.

Elphaba breathed in deeply. The will not be a coward …she will pursue the thing she wants.

_Yes, that is what I will do _

She opened her mouth but as she spoke so did the same sound echo from above…

"_Glin-"_

"Miss…Miss Glinda."

Elphaba's voice was not even heard, and as the realization hit her of what she had nearly done, she smiled.

_Thank you ____Chistery, you truly are a blessing. _

_Elphaba knew the plan could not be compromised._

_But now the sound above started to quit and Elphaba heard how Glinda started to walk away and then…stop._

_Again, for a brief moment Elphaba wished she could shout for Glinda, tell her all was alright, comfort her. But as soon as that thought appeared, so did the volume of Glinda the Good's footsteps, die in the distance. _

_Elphaba let out a shuddered breath she had kept in. She could not breathe._

_Suddenly her actions hit her. The realisation of what she had done to Glinda made her gasp. _

_Elphaba had hurt Glinda the worst possible way imaginable. She had condemned her to a life of further pretence instead of freeing her, instead of taking her with her. Elphaba has left her to her old fate, to pretend that she 'Couldn't be Happier 'and lie to all that she hated the green bitch and that, the wicked witch of the west, is indeed dead. _

_She clenched her jaw and her fist together as her other hand covered her face. Her head was not strait up facing the trap door any more, but hung a little to the ground._

_I have destroyed the life and the only good thing in her own life to have lived…and if ever…she…could… _

She swallowed and nodded her head

_I have killed Glinda with my own hand. _

Elphaba's eyes suddenly shot open as she still felt the warm liquid from Glinda's tears, burn her skin.

But when the liquid did not want to stop flowing and the pain on her face increased, she realized it was…she was crying.

She slid down the wall, sat in the dirt and… violently cried for the first time in her life. All the tears, that had been locked away, came out and she let them fell…she let them brand her face…she let herself not be the strong for once, loose control for once, and feel for once. This release was her punishment.

She felt there was no greater or fitting punishment for her, than to let bitter acid get poured over ones face.


End file.
